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Gonna just leave this here for posterity

Parents dont let your children grow up to be welshers. This is one of my posts that didn’t make the cut over at TDS. And a certain blogger got his panties in a real twist over it. But there’s nothing to stop me from posting it here!

You wont find this but it happened, and it was glorious. Enjoy.

 

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Let’s all shame BD34 for welshing on a bet

As some of you may be aware, last summer, when I was a little cautious about giving Harden a max contract before the season starts I made a bet with fellow TDS writer and resident staff sourpuss BD34 over Harden’s stat line for the 2012-2013 season. The bet was very simple:

James Harden season averages had to be 26 points per game, 6 rebounds and 4 assists.

Keep in mind that these numbers are exact in their simplicity. Not vague generalities or ballpark figures. I had no idea how important this would become. So we had set up the parameters, Harden had to average 26/6/4, but we never got around to deciding what would happen when one of us lost.

In our short lived column that we wrote together we discussed the bet a little and he had this to say:

BDI have proudly proclaimed that Harden will average 26/6/4 … As for the stakes, name it. Public shaming/twitter shaming is fine, I’m not getting naked in public though.

26. 6. 4.

Harden’s final numbers for the season: 25.9 points, 5.8 rebounds and 4.9 assists per game.

I admit that I was nervous as hell as the season wound down but I was relieved that Harden fell short of the thresh hold. BD immediately tried to worm out of admitting he lost. He’s claims that just because he was sooooo close, that it should be enough to make him the winner. That’s nonsense.

But in the interest of pragmatism I sent an email to three members of the TDS editorial board, GrungeDave, Tom Martin, and Patrick Harrell, only Dave replied and he sided with me:

(click to enlarge)

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Good point, Dave!

BD did not dispute this in subsequent emails. He had the chance to do so, and if he had convinced Dave or Tom or Patrick, then I would’ve cut my losses and taken defeat. But he didn’t.

The issue wasn’t raised again after this email, so we left at that. I figured I’d wait till we got to the dead part of the offseason to make some sport out of this. I took some time to think about what I was gonna make BD do or say. I came up with the perfect idea. Unfortunately, the details of this idea aren’t that important now as it is clear that VD34 will never get his head out from under his ass and admit he lost. But suffice it to say, I’m positive everyone would’ve greatly enjoyed what I had planned.

We all would’ve laughed and passed some time, and forgotten, if only for a moment, that we still have a long way to go before the season starts. And isn’t that kind of what the point of this entire blog?

Now it will never happen, and it’s all BD’s fault. He’s robbed us of a good time just because he’s a sore loser. For shame, BD. FOR SHAME!

Anyway, part of me wanted to just go ahead and do the prank anyway, but I consider BD a friend. I wanted to give him the courtesy of a heads up before I posted anything. I was aware that he was bitter about this but I thought enough time had passed and he would accept reality.

So yesterday I approached BD about resolving this thing. But, being the welshing low-life speck of a human being that he is, BD dug in and hilariously broke down over the issue.

Here are some slightly edited screen caps of our conversation.

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I realized here that we were going to have a problem and it sunk in just how BD is really no better than a venereal disease. But I wanted to stay calm. I had a good idea for shaming BD but I still wanted to give him the courtesy of running it by him instead of blindsiding him with it. Professional courtesy, and all that. But BD does not know the meaning of the word.

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Interesting he uses the term “killing it.” If I were to get into a bar fight and I put someone in a coma, but that person did not die, I would not get charged with murder. This is to say, BD’s argument is pretty much comatose

Anyway…

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If we were talking about this outside of a gambling context I would happily give credit to him for being so close. But like I have said before, close is not the same thing as closing. I told him several times we weren’t rounding, if he didn’t want to go through with this then he had plenty of time to call off the bet before the season ended. But he didnt.

By BD’s logic this is enough to win a super bowl.

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It isn’t.

Or this is enough to win you an NBA Finals.

It’s not.

This was a bet. There are no rewards for mere participation. There are winners and there are losers. Close (extremely close) but no cigar, BD. YOU LOST.

Now let’s all cast disapproving looks at BD. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

UPDATE:

There was a lot of debate over who won this bet. We talked about doing a poll but I was against that since I do not think that numbers are democratic. Just becuase we all decide that a 5 is a 6 it doesnt make it so.

So I figured out a way to settle this.

I called Vegas. Specifically I placed a call to Raphael Esparza. He manages the sports book for the Aria Hotel and Casino. I dont think we can get anyone more qualified to put an end to this.
Below is an upload to the audio of our conversation (it’s about three mins long), but all we need to know is found in the 1:23 mark.
“In gambling, there’s no such thing as rounding up.”
Sound quality is a bit shitty since I had to upload from my recorder to my phone then convert from amr to mp3. But It’s there.
Suck it, BDWelsh
Do you think BD won? Was TDS correct for taking this down? Sound off in the comments below. And dont worry, this is my place. Tell it how you feel it.

This never gets old

When keeping it real goes wrong. Look at Andre telling Courtland Finnegan what time it is.

Good stuff.

So the Texans play the Titans in the first division game of the season. The Texans are 6-14 all time against the Foilers but there’s really no Earthly reason why the Texies should lose. The only cause for concern is how the offense came to a screeching halt after Joe Mays nearly decapitated Matt Schuab.  There’s no way Schaub walked away from that with out a touch of Scrambled Egg Syndrome. His performance under center is something to keep an eye on.

Chris Johnson, who has been killing my fantasy team, might finally wake from his slumber and actually gain some yards. But over all, this Titans squad is out match in pretty much every aspect of the game save for Marc Mariani’s return skills (haha).

Overconfident? You bet. This should be an easy win.

Few thoughts on Texans-Broncos

Back in 2010 the Texans lost games to the Chargers, Jaguars, and Jets on the final drive of the game. All three of those losses were total bullshit too. I won’t go into details because that Play-That-Wont-Be-Named against the Jags that year still haunts me. (Although I’m pretty sure that was the last time Dave Garrard completed a pass.) Yesterday, when the Broncos scored after a Ben Tate fumble I leaned over to my brother and told him that the worst thing could happen is a three-and-out. Sure enough, the Texans punted three plays later and I could see the rest of the game playing out. We’re about to shit the sheets again.

For several years that was the problem with the Schuab-era Texans they were just on the cuff of being good but then would piss away games. Seriously, A virgin with whiskey dick at prom would have a better time closing than the Texans. Yesterday’s win over the Broncos and perennial Texan killer Peyton Manning was a refreshing reminder that times have changed. These aren’t your older brother’s Texans. And hooray for that.

Moving on, I’m convinced that Danieal Manning and Johnathan Joseph have probably been the smartest free agent acquisitions of the Kubiak Era. Through the first three games of the season the two have combined for 24 tackles, four passes deflected and an interception. Not to mention that they are the main reason the Houston pass defense turned into one of the team’s strengths instead of its main weakness. The Houston D has balls now. Which brings us too..

Mario who?

JJ Watt and Brooks Reed. They make Mario and DeMeco a distant memory. I plan to explore the similarities between the four players further in a future post.

Two years ago the Texans passed on Kyle Wilson in favor of Kareem Jackson and it’s paid off so far. Kareem recorded as many tackles in his rookie year (71) as Wilson has had in his entire career. Granted Kareem hasn’t had to play behind Derrell Revis, Antonio Child Support Cromartie ect, but that’s the point about savvy drafting, you get the guy that’s best for you.

This is a refreshing win for the Texies. Next up is Tennessee, should be a pushover.

Welcome to the TexRock Blog: You can sit here if you want…

Jenny would’ve probably welcomed Forrest onto the Texans bandwagon with open arms.

It’s roughly 2 or three in the morning right now and I just got home from a crazy ass barbeque that was held at some guys house whom I’ve never met. There were more than 200 people there and most of them were flashing Texans merch of some sort. Everyone was drunk since the Houston Texans had just began the season 3-0 for the first time in franchise history and they beat that five-headed pencil neck fuck Manning to do it as well.

As we watched the game people were engaged. They cheered even the most routine plays (something I sorta find annoying, but whatever). They cursed the fuck out of Joe Mays when he did this:

/bell rung

And when the game was over we all proceeded to get drunk as fuck and ponder, with sincere seriousness, whether this team can go undefeated. Undefeated! Texans! There’s some shit I never thought I’d hear.

I look around and think to myself, how the hell did this happen?

There was a time when you’d have to be caught dead to be wearing Texans merchandise. Much less admit you were an avid fan. I used to walk around high school wearing a Texies hat and got laughed at since they sucked so bad. But I didn’t care. I never got defensive about it. I actually, sorta liked that they sucked. Loving a winning franchise is easy. To root for 76-sack David Carr takes a special kind of masochist.

But now things are different.

The Houston Texans are coming off the best year in franchise history and are now off to the best start ever as well, and with them come the barrage of… well I don’t want to call them front-runners or fair weather fans, because despite my being dead inside I’d like to think that people are genuinely good on the inside (even though they’re not), but success swells fandom. And these are the trappings of power.

Look, everyone knows a guy that used to listen to a band before they were famous then stopped listening to them once they go main-stream because, in their view they “sold out”. Everyone hates that guy. Don’t be that guy.

I’m sure there were people at that barbeque that were rocking Cowboys swag just a few years before, if not the week before. And I’m sure there were plenty of people at that thing that will jump off the Texans bandwagon at the first sign of trouble. Let them. They’ll have to answer for their sins to the sports gods one day. But for now let’s just enjoy the fact that we don’t have to hide anymore. Us original followers that pinned our hopes on Dominick Davis and Jabar Gafney (ugh) we can come out of hiding because now there are many more like us. We no longer have to withstand scorn and ridicule when you say that Andre Johnson is the best receiver in the game (he very well might be). We don’t have to get defensive about picking Mario Williams over Reggie Bush or Matt Lienart or Vince Young (it turns out they all sucked anyway, Mario just sucked less). And isn’t that refreshing?

So while I do have friends that deride and bitch about how these “scum, cowboys fallouts” are coming out of the woodwork only now that the Texans are winning games, I’m of the opposite persuasion.

Come on and have a seat next to mine on the Texans bandwagon. I hope you’ll like your stay.

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